


Kreisverkehr

by Trobadora



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s02e13 Face Off, Episode: s04e16 Heartbreaker, Multi, Pre-OT3, Pre-ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-01 17:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13299492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trobadora/pseuds/Trobadora
Summary: "I'm out there every night, driving the streets trying to find her, hoping that there's some way that I can help her or talk some sense into her." - Nick Burkhardt in season 4.





	Kreisverkehr

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ilien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilien/gifts).



> Nick's quote above is from _Mishipeshu_ ; this story is set a little earlier than that, just after _Heartbreaker_.
> 
> Apologies for stealing from Rilke! I ended up with similar phrasing in my initial draft, and couldn't resist.

  


* * *

  


> Kreisverkehr _{m}_
> 
>   * roundabout 
>   * traffic circle
>   * rotary
> 


  


* * *

  


Driving, driving, driving. Through the streets, through the night, through the pain.

Nick keeps driving. Hope has grown weary, and anger is building. Where is Juliette? He calls her, and calls her again. She never picks up. She never calls back.

Downtown, East, West, this side of the Willamette or that: Nick is driving. Driving nowhere, driving in circles, driving himself mad.

  


* * *

  


Every night, Nick starts his car and drives. He drives, a man driven - drives on autopilot, drives wherever the road leads. Moves forward simply to be moving.

If he could find Juliette -

_He tells her he loves her, and Juliette laughs._

If he could find the right words -

_Bitter and incredulous and mocking, Juliette laughs._

If he can just find her. Just find her, and he'll figure it out then. He will.

_Juliette laughs._

  


* * *

  


Driving, driving, driving. Nick drives past Monroe's house again, thinks about stopping. Staying, just for a bit. Asking for help.

_"There's really nothing you or anybody else can say or do," Juliette says. And she laughs._

He's crossing the Willamette again. Nick drives past the precinct, thinks about going back to work. He drives past the spice shop, foot off the gas. Momentum takes him past.

He drives past the Captain's house, his car slowing down. There are lights inside. He looks to the door. A familiar figure stands there, pulling out a key.

His car rolls past. His mind rolls the moment over: Juliette pulls out a key.

Juliette pulls out a key.

Nick turns the car, drives back. There are lights inside. Juliette is gone; the door is closed.

The car stops.

  


* * *

  


She has a key.

It seethes, roils in his stomach. It spins in his mind: she has a key. 

She went to the Captain. It's happening again: her and him. Juliette and Renard. And Nick is watching again.

Renard has given her a key.

  


* * *

  


Nick remembers: Renard approaching, Juliette opening the door. It burned then; it burns now.

He believed it when Monroe told him: they were cursed. Their attraction was not their own. They wanted without wanting.

Still, Nick burned with anger, aching to rip them apart, to let loose on Renard - not his Captain, not his ally: a liar, a stranger, an enemy - the force a Grimm can bring to bear. 

Renard entered the house, and Nick stepped back, fingernails digging into his palms. 

Nick stepped back, impotent fury roiling in his guts, in his heart.

  


* * *

  


There is no curse now. This is what Juliette chose, like the words she threw at him, like her laughter. This is who she chose to be.

This is who Renard chose to be: the man who said nothing, nothing at all.

He's not an enemy, not a stranger. He's still the Captain, Royal or not, Zauberbiest or not. He's been an ally, steadfast all this year, even when Nick was not a Grimm. But he's a liar all the same.

Nick has been frantic for days. Renard, who never misses anything, must have known. And he said nothing, told Nick nothing, not even that Juliette is safe, not even that he's seen her at all.

And Juliette has a key.

  


* * *

  


It's not all her. _One less Hexenbiest wouldn't be a bad thing,_ he told her, not so long ago.

He meant it as comfort. He didn't know. But he _meant_ it, then, and she knows.

At least for this, Nick knows perfectly well why she would turn to Renard.

  


* * *

  


It's not all her. Nick walked out on her first. Had to clear his head. Took a little space, instinctive self-defence says. Left her, the ruthless and bitter part of him knows.

_Juliette laughs._

He didn't mean it. Doesn't mean it, never meant it at all. He did it anyway.

_Not without reason, Juliette laughs._

  


* * *

  


It's not all him, either. Juliette turned to Renard. She told Nick that much.

Renard helped her find Henrietta. Renard gave her a key. Renard kept quiet, all this time. But Juliette asked him first.

Nick never asked Renard a single thing. Never could bring himself to.

  


* * *

  


_Then_ , before he knew it was a curse, there was Renard at Juliette's door.

Juliette didn't remember Nick, but Renard did. It was his betrayal that stung the worst.

  


* * *

  


Now, here, he wants to storm inside, confront them both. He wants to drive away, drive in circles, drive anywhere, clear his head. He needs distance, and a grip on himself. He needs it _now_.

He doesn't want to fight, except that he does. He doesn't want to drive away, except that he does.

He did it before, walked away before. It was Renard at Juliette's door, then.

_Juliette laughs. Juliette laughs. Juliette laughs._

  


* * *

  


This is always happening: her and him, by curse or by choice. Nick watching, left alone.

Juliette turned from him, gave up on him, turned somewhere else. Renard did not support him, did not help him, was not his ally in this. He helped Juliette instead.

Nick is jealous, bitterly, of the both of them. Whatever it is that they have, he _wants_ it, and it eats him inside.

Involuntary and voluntary, cursed or not, either way - he went to her; she went to him. They both abandoned him, and here he is by the wayside, alone in his car.

  


* * *

  


Nick thinks. He thinks in circles, round and round, thinks himself mad. Thinks _then_ and _now_ , her and him, Juliette and Renard.

Turn again: Juliette went to Renard. Juliette walked out on Nick.

Turn again: Juliette went to Renard. Juliette walked out on Nick.

Turn again: Juliette went to Renard, long before she walked out on Nick. Juliette walked out on Nick, but Nick walked out first.

Round and round again, further back: her and him, but she was forced to forget Nick. Juliette and Renard, but neither of them had a choice.

Round and round again, further back: her and him, but she came back. Juliette and Renard, but he was not Nick's enemy after all.

  


* * *

  


Nick wants to drive away, take some space. He doesn't. Driving, driving, driving - all the circles, all the empty nights, where did they take him? Here, where the car stopped.

He doesn't want to fight, except that he does. And maybe this is one fight they need to have.

Turn again, or stop?

Nick takes a deep breath, and steps out of his car.


End file.
